January 10, 2009
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Don’t Wanna Be Mushy…
But I’m about to. Some may be longer than others – but you all have become my family in one way or another.
Mr. Ste’phane… You already know how I feel about you, but for those who don’t know, this man helped me find the will to push again. You pushed me to wake up. To stop living so deeply rooted in my past and to move forward, to knock to the walls, and keep striving. For that I will forever love him in ways I will love no other man. You’ve never made me feel ashamed. You never let me believe I was a failure. You never allowed me to feel pity or stupid. You never let me down. You always reached your hand out to me and that… is truly… You know what it is. You taught me so much about ‘men’ and ‘women’ and ‘arenas’ and ‘games’ and ‘puzzles’. He definitely is what a real woman would desire, so I understand ladies!!
But… honestly, I don’t think I will ever be able to forget you or what you have given me. You pushed me to write again, something I long forgotten I loved to do. You pushed me to believe in myself and you’ve never allowed me to feel any less than talented. I will forever owe him a huge debt. You gotta special place in my heart and it grows each time we speak. He’s the real deal folks, I’d vouch for him anyday. Ms. Alisa… You are a wonderful example of what a teacher should be. Nurturing, caring, considerate, and honest. You are so high on my list of Xanga fans now, you will never know what your challenge will continue to do for me. You singlehandedly made me be honest with myself, which for some reason I was having the hardest time doing so. I appreciate you very much, I respect you highly, and I hope to only get to know you better. And you continue to show us what the world is like for you and the example of an honest independent woman. I will always look up to you.
Mr. Larry Gene… Your name is real deal ol’ skool playa and I love it. You are truly one of the first men on this site that got me to open up and I respect that truly. There’s no game about you, no lies. You are straight up real and how can that not be respected. You are a special dude, keep treating Trenay right or we might have some problems, ya hear? Keep learning to be human baby boy, it’s not such a terrible world ya know. Thank you for welcoming me into your world with no conclusions as to who I was and what I wanted from you. You are genuinely a good man and I love that about you. You are caring and it’s a treasure to laugh and argue with you.
Ms. Courtney… You make me smile all the time. I enjoy you for your growing phase in life. Just remember that every day is a growing phase in life. Keep learning more about yourself until you can’t know yourself any better. Never forget the lessons you have learned in life, no matter how small or big. They will always impact your life. Thank you for being so sweet and never shielding yourself from me. I will always be an ear if you need it. Remember that okay? I have always felt like you were my little sister for some reason.
Mr. Dwayne… You always make me laugh. That is so important to me. You keep me current on sports, you always have something positive to say and I appreciate that so much. You have never made me feel unimportant and what woman would dislike that? You shouted me out for my birthday, which NO ONE ELSE did. You have always been such a great character to know and for that, I will always dig ya style.
Ms. Pennie… I have had a soft spot for you since I first ran across your blog. You have always made me feel like I was special. Like I had a calling. Like I had a place and I have always had such a connection with you from the beginning. I knew there was something about you that drew me to you and it is simply because you are a beautiful, caring, sensitive woman. And I respect all of that. Never let anyone take it from you. Keep praying Pennie. I appreciate your friendship and your utter honesty.
Mr. Mark… You have always made me want to be better than what I allowed myself to be. Never letting me doubt myself or fall prey to any belief in my failures. I have always been a fan, always will be. Thank you for being so kind from the beginning. It’s truly been wonderful to know you.
Ms. Amanda… You too have always been so honest with me. You have never had a bad word to say about me, always been so nice. I have appreciated knowing you and getting to know you. You impressed me from the beginning. You are a wonderful mother, such a sweet person and you’re so young! I admire you very much for what you have been thru and what you have gained. Keep being so strong so you can teach your daughter to be just like you.
Ms. Monica… Since day one, I have always identified with you. Something about you has always been a bright bulb in my head. I have wanted no more than to be an ear, support you in whatever paths you’ve decided to take and I never really knew why. Now I do, I see so much of myself in you and I want to make sure you don’t stumble over the same blocks I did in life. Thank you for allowing me to come into your life and voice my opinion about your life. It’s truly been special. You, too, have always been my little sister.
Ms. Ashley… Thank you for being brutally honest with me about my work, it’s truly an honor to have someone tell you the gut-wrenching truth. Thank you for welcoming me into your life. You’ve always been so sweet and so real. Keep doing you girl. The world will fall at your feet.
Nomo… You truly are the king of this writing thing. Keep writing, I’ll keep reading. I’ll stay a fan until you stop.
Adrian, ’Nique, B’Poetic, aMnSWords, DeAdrell, Mahogany_Nymph, BeautifulCinnamon… Thank you all for allowing me to creep into your lives and watch from my distant corner in Dallas. Thank you all for being some of the realest and truest. Keep on being who you are and I will keep sneaking into your life from Dallas.
If I have missed anyone, it’s not because you aren’t special. It’s simply because, these people have read my life and know me so much better than some of my closest friends and I wanted to thank them for WANTING to get to know me. Thank you for welcoming me. Thank you for being who you are above all else. I love you all for that and I will always love them for that. They have become my small Xanga family. You have no idea what you missed. It’s going on the protected list.
And now I’m all boo-hoo’n and cryin’… Look what ya’ll have done to me. I’m soft MANE!
Comments (32)
I love you. I believe in you. I think you are the most wonderful poet I have ever run across. I am SO BLESSED that I got to know you. Never doubt that. (((HUGS)))
aWWWW ur the sweETESTTTTT in the world…AWWWW =D
…not that I was scrolling like, ‘my name ain’t gonna be on here…it might…it ain’t…well..but naw…it my get a lump comment…but I might get my own two lines…naw’
…ok so it took me a while to scroll. lol.
And I say thanks for getting all mushy on us! haha. Thanks for being there for me and voicing your opinion…you don’t know how much it all means to me. Some stuff you say does effect certain things in my life. Know that.
<3
M
Awwww!!! I appreciate and thank u as well for allowing me into the more intimate part of your life and being more than an inspiration to me!!
I appreciate it!!! Hey I have to be real in this crazy ass world
you’re in dallas! i’m from there! i’m moving back there in may (thank GOD cause i hate it where i am now)
@saturdai17 - yeah girl! Dallas, TX all day. lol. trying to stay my lil self out of trouble. where are you now? and when are ya coming back?
@MystDaPimP - realness is sexi. keep it up baby boy.
@Beautiful_Actress - i love minis. i just wanted everyone to know… that hell… yall mean something to someone far away.
@B_Poetic - i am the sweetest, aren’t i? i try…
@lastingoptions - i love the convo you had with yourself! splendid. you always make me laff. i try, i want nothing but the best for you. you are a doll and you deserve the best. you will see.
@apennieformythoughts - it’s been a blessing to know you too Pennie. Thank you for being you. You have always been a bright spirit in the Xanga world for me.
@ISLYMORE - i’m in the middle of nowhere called college station. my lease ends may 15th but i’ll prolly move there the week before cause i don’t want to cut it too close. i’m thinking of a loft downtown or a house in oakcliff or desoto. what side of town are you on?
@saturdai17 - shoot. im technically in forney, which is closer to terrell than dallas. but… i be in dallas regularly. i say do the loft. but find a nice one. they generally run… a dollar per square inch. and college station… is in the middle of nowhere.
@ISLYMORE - ah yeah, got lost in forney once tryna take a short cut. i think i’ma go the young urbanite role and get the loft. a house just seems so permanent, and i really don’t need all that space. and i DEFINTELY don’t want a roommate. i’ve been terrorized by that enough
@saturdai17 - i hear ya. you are not alone with the roommate situation girl. i been there, aint tryna go back no time soon. i bet that shortcut was all outta wack passing thru forney. i think the loft will be a good look for you. i’ve looked into them, but my designing of an entire place… is not ready for an empty loft yet. lol. i hate mixing and matching things.
@ISLYMORE - i was on i-20 tryna take us-80 to get to i-30. that didn’t quite work out. we just pulled over at a rest stop to wait out the severe storm then kept going on 20. i got a two bedroom full of crap now so i’ll have no probs filling it up. i got traditional furniture now, i wanna get some modern/ecclectic furniture if i get the loft. i’m just excited to live in a city again. CS SUCKS
ISLY! Girl, I <3 you too! I’ll always remember the little tid-bits that you gave me or the things you wrote to me when I was going through some tough things these past few months; and I thank you for letting me into your life too! It’s helped me so much.
I won’t forget that every thing is a growing thing either.
*complex
Awwwwwww…. thanx…. just keep writing girl
i’m not in the list!
ha, that means it’s not my fault you’ve gone soft. tsk.
@TheBigShowAtUD - you’re not on the list… bc you didn’t even take the time to read my deepest blogs to date! you didn’t wanna know me like the others have gotten to. thass all. i still think you’re the coolest, that wont change. PLUS… i havent gotten a peek into your life like I have theirs. thass all. and it wasnt your fault ive gone soft! lol… it was theirs!
@ISLYMORE - i miss people’s updates with all of the timestamping and other updates. sorryyyyy.
if you’re looking to know me like THAT, you have to read between the lines. c’mon, now.
@TheBigShowAtUD - yeah im sure. im not a timestamper is all. with the last two blogs, i opened myself completely. TO EVERYONE. if you want to know, you still can. its there for the reading. the particular challenge was about being brutally honest with yourself, not reading between any lines tho. maybe you should look into doing it yourself? maybe you already have…
@ISLYMORE - oh, that challenge thing? i think i’ve seen some of those, but i missed yours. i’m not sure i do that sort of thing. we’ll see.
@TheBigShowAtUD - yeah well go back to the last two blogs and you will get to see mine… *hint, hint* maybe you will do it one day. it would be nice to see you, open and clear. no smoke and mirrors. ill wait, but i wont hold my breath.
@ISLYMORE - i don’t do smoke and mirrors. hey, now.
i’ll read yours. this is your last chance to hide it!
*too late*
@TheBigShowAtUD - i wont hide it, til after you read and comment sir. im not shy about it with ppl who’s thots/opinions i value to some degree. and you’re the king of smoke n mirrors, mr. read between the lines.
@TheBigShowAtUD - someone needs to quit peeping and read/comment already…
It is always a great feeling to let those know who’ve helped you when you were down that your grateful for them just breathing. In their breath lies strength sent to you. I hope that this journey is easy and that the difficulty becomes not turning back but to understand your victory.
I love your background…I’m sorry to be so shallow on a blog so heartfelt. How did you get a picture big enough or did someone design your page?
@GoddessNailah - LOL. it is a nice background, uhm it was in the listing of themes. I dunno who made it, i scanned a few, saw it and saved it as my background. Search them, you will likely find it. and thanks for such true words.
how did i miss this? guess i’m been going balls to the wall and i’ve overlooked such a revealing piece. let me zone out and tell you a couple of things. first off, thank you for being you. we’ve attracted each other and we met for this particular reason, growth. it’s a multitude of layers in which we’ve inspired the other and i want you to know that you deffly one of the most authentic mofo’s alive. i’ve only taught you as much as you claim cus you’ve listened and reflected on what was spoken. me the real deal? i don’t know but what i do know is that i deal what’s real. i joke and mask a lot of things but i’ll never play you, (you being a general reference, and no, i’ll never play you either.) you would’ve written again without me yet i feel my role was to navigate you to the ‘fun’ side of writing. CREATING whatever you want to when you want to. this rite is divine. like your lil banner up on ya page…you will bloom again cus you’ve always bloomed. i’ve taken the bull by the horns so others can benefit from my mistakes. i see that you have as well. aint too much space in the world for real people and you’re holding down your ‘corner’ quite nicely. enjoy this blog as i have and we’ll hook up and write sumn explosive in a minute. peace.
@Beautiful_Actress - yep De, you my home girl too.keep it tight and i’ll keep it ‘write’
@B_Poetic - yep you too britney, dammit, you fine writer you.
I know I’m late… but I appreciate the shout, and hey… you have came a long way, and you will be just fine… I try to stay as current as I can… and I’m no inspiration… I just want to see others do well… I know I don’t deserve the success that I’m getting… someone else should have the glory…
But just stay positive and keep your head up… and the rest will fall in your favor
D
Awww
Isly you’re so sweet! I am sure we all have enjoyed you just as much. As Steph put it to me a couple days ago, it’s nice to have people be able to peep into who you are without even having to really know who you are. It allows greater freedom of expression because frankly if our “real” friends knew exactly how we thought sometimes they either wouldn’t be able to understand it or wouldn’t be our friends- real talk. So keep writing and keep going! We’re hear to put our two sense in to help with it all!
this was SO SWEET
@blazinhott99 - i forgot your name homie! primarily because you didnt read the challenge blogs! but thanks for letting me into your lfie as well homegirl!
@ISLYMORE - i have to start commenting again. i’ve been so busy all i have time to do is read.
@blazinhott99 - aw man!!!! that makes me sad. but i understand.