So... Something I wrote. I like it. Feedback please. (Shout out to Larry who gave me the idea!)

I am some kind of woman and I dare you to disagree

I could pour my soul out before you and you’d never understand me

You see this soul… MY SOUL… is constantly overflowing

With pain, pleasure, promise, and praise and I’m still growing

The ‘me’ you knew just yesterday is so far from the ‘me’ today

I could point you in all the right directions and you’d never come my way

The pieces to my puzzle are scattered, they aren’t for you to find

You could try to fit them one by one, but you’d never unlock my mind

I’M UNDEFINED

The definition of me is one that has yet to be discovered

Study every book and find I’m the one topic that hasn’t been covered

Because you cant learn anything about me from simply reading

I’ll tell you everything you need to know and you still wont believe me

I am the daughter of every mother… every woman is within

His rib begat my rib and that is only where my story begins

The wisdom of grandmothers passed is stored inside my cerebral safe

The determination of mothers raising fatherless sons paves my way

The strength of sisters taking care of siblings fuels my spirits daily

The pride of daughters looking up to me is what continues to save me

My heartbeat pounds like the biggest drum sounds from Mother Africa

My stare is as cold as the coldest winter in the coldest corners of Antarctica

Every woman from every corner of the world has some trace inside this one

Each of them is a part of me and there is nothing that can make me undone

I am this and that woman; she is me…I am her… that may be too hard to see

But I am some kind of woman, if you doubt me, try me, I dare you to disagree.

ISLYmore © 2/19/09

yeah so im back... dont know how long. cant really say. but i hope you enjoy the next few pieces i present. please, feel free to comment.

(So... as usual, there is a preface to this piece. I love it. Period. If you don't understand it... maybe it isn't for you to. I hope you can appreciate it though, maybe you can't. Who really knows. But... I really love it. Been a LONG time since I felt that way about a piece I wrote.)

This poem is not about you BUT... it's about you
Every thing you said to me that wasn't ever true
And all the things you said I'd never be able to do
Because you... simply... aren't that important in reality
You only had power because I thought you were so real to me
When you were really only what I needed you to be
I asked you for support, of course you gave what you could
I leaned because you welcomed me, beside me is where you stood
But this poem... has never EVER been about you
It's always been about me, but all you see is Y-O-U
Because that's all your eyes allow you to view
But what you're eyes don't allow you to see
Is that THIS poem... has always been about me
Cause I bear the burden of the hurting on my shoulder
Self told me be strong, I'm trying is what I told her
Self said that's not enough, tough is what the world is made of
Dammit girl, get it together, what is it that you're afraid of
And... my life took a pause...
Because...
I was so busy including you in my life, I lost sight of me
Sight of all my dreams, all the things I wanted myself to be
Seeeeeee..... Wanting you in my life was easy to do
But putting you out was a game you refused to lose
Because you think it's always been about you
It could never, ever be about what I learned about me
Through your petty arrogant eyes, I finally saw that she
That I always knew I was but was just too damn afraid to embrace
The she that was waiting to burst thru the broken pieces and replace
ME
Cause she had always been inside, I was just too blind to see
That I didn't really need you, but you may have needed me 
And this poem... has still... never EVER been about you
It's always been about me, but all you will see is the Y, the O, and the U
Because that's all that you're self-absorbed eyes will allow you to view.

1/29/2009 © ISLYmore

Well... someone has started a new epidemic have they? Admitting your xanga crushes are we?  Hmm... I might regret this later, but I doubt it. I don't really care if they know or if they care!!! So... my xanga crushes are the following people.

Ste'phane Parker ...  I mean, who wouldn't crush on this guy? Somewhere between his words, his voice, his gap, his lips... sometimes even I find myself getting lost in that trance and imagining... hmm, I won't go into any details. Because he is a mind reader... he can figure it out on his own. But then... some days - he's like the brother I wish I had, the friend I go to for the best advice, the listener who always has an opinion and someone I truly admire simply because he is who he is. He's smart. He's a writer. He's driven. He's adorable. He's sexy. He's built (altho a little skinny for my personal taste). He loves women appropriately. He's upfront. He's got great motion. He's a lover, not a fighter... but he will kick a dude's ass if he steps to you the wrong way. He's a freak! And who doesn't love that?

Matt Smith ... Hello?? What female that roams around Xanga regularly doesn't know this guy and love this guy? I secretly wish upon stars for him!! He's witty, he's smart, he's attractive, he's sexy, he's sarcastic, he's honest, he's cocky... (okay, okay... you're confident ). He knows what he wants out of life, knows what he doesn't want. He knows who he is. He can analyze you because he's a closet shrink. Doubt me? He can't wait to rub that psych degree in your face!  Plus... he endures the cold weather even though he dislikes it, but he secretly loves Ohio. He loves football, loves cereal! How can you not like that? And he always makes sure the toilet tissue is facing the right way!?!?! What more could you ask for? Come on. Only problem... he doesnt know flirting when it's in his face. Lucky me, I haven't started flirting with him... yet.

Sexy Sam ... because he's wonderfully articulate, sexier than... i dunno what but he's sexy. Check out his profile pic if you doubt me! He always make me laugh reading his blogs. He's so damn wonderful to read. Visit him sometimes. The guy has excellent thoughts and the way he describes things never lets you down. He's so adorable, he's handsome and he's smart! He's wildly creative too. Fun to be around, I assume. And he's just an all around interesting character. Someone I truly believe is worth wanting to know.

Adrian ...  Now he should already know why!!! I'm kinda thinkin tho - who doesn't know why? I've admitted to it, many times. He's a cutie, he's quick to put someone on blast when they need it, he's secretly shy but not really shy. He enjoys a good time. He's a character. Did I mention he's a cutie? He is honest and serious about his business. He's positioning himself to get where he wants in life... He's a cool guy, plus... he's packing! *Darn it, I juss had to put that in there didn't I?*

Kyle ... I won't put your last name on here for your personal privacy. But... his voice is soooo sexy. I think we secretly crush on each other from our safe places miles away. Lucky for you and lucky for me as well or we'd be sooo much trouble for each other. He's tall, handsome, sexy. Beautiful eyes. Great physique. Did I mention his voice will make you weak in the knees? He's seductive. He's smart. He's a great writer. Loves the kids. Great mentor. Overall - great dude. Some woman will be entirely too lucky when she catches him.

Now that these crushes have been admitted... don't think I will be pursuing anything with these handsome devils or any of the ones I didn't admit to (wink, wink). They are technically off limits to me, so... I will just have to crush on them from a distance. I won't be flying to anyone's town to see them, I won't be secretly sending them messages about how I heart them, and I most definitely WONT feel any embarrassment about admitting this. It was all in fun.

Don't be so serious guys!

*Okay... I might regret this later.*

But I'm about to. Some may be longer than others - but you all have become my family in one way or another.

Mr. Ste'phane... You already know how I feel about you, but for those who don't know, this man helped me find the will to push again. You pushed me to wake up. To stop living so deeply rooted in my past and to move forward, to knock to the walls, and keep striving. For that I will forever love him in ways I will love no other man. You've never made me feel ashamed. You never let me believe I was a failure. You never allowed me to feel pity or stupid. You never let me down. You always reached your hand out to me and that... is truly... You know what it is. You taught me so much about 'men' and 'women' and 'arenas' and 'games' and 'puzzles'. He definitely is what a real woman would desire, so I understand ladies!!  But... honestly, I don't think I will ever be able to forget you or what you have given me. You pushed me to write again, something I long forgotten I loved to do. You pushed me to believe in myself and you've never allowed me to feel any less than talented. I will forever owe him a huge debt. You gotta special place in my heart and it grows each time we speak. He's the real deal folks, I'd vouch for him anyday.

Ms. Alisa... You are a wonderful example of what a teacher should be. Nurturing, caring, considerate, and honest. You are so high on my list of Xanga fans now, you will never know what your challenge will continue to do for me. You singlehandedly made me be honest with myself, which for some reason I was having the hardest time doing so. I appreciate you very much, I respect you highly, and I hope to only get to know you better. And you continue to show us what the world is like for you and the example of an honest independent woman. I will always look up to you.

Mr. Larry Gene... Your name is real deal ol' skool playa and I love it. You are truly one of the first men on this site that got me to open up and I respect that truly. There's no game about you, no lies. You are straight up real and how can that not be respected. You are a special dude, keep treating Trenay right or we might have some problems, ya hear? Keep learning to be human baby boy, it's not such a terrible world ya know. Thank you for welcoming me into your world with no conclusions as to who I was and what I wanted from you. You are genuinely a good man and I love that about you. You are caring and it's a treasure to laugh and argue with you.

Ms. Courtney... You make me smile all the time. I enjoy you for your growing phase in life. Just remember that every day is a growing phase in life. Keep learning more about yourself until you can't know yourself any better. Never forget the lessons you have learned in life, no matter how small or big. They will always impact your life. Thank you for being so sweet and never shielding yourself from me. I will always be an ear if you need it. Remember that okay? I have always felt like you were my little sister for some reason.

Mr. Dwayne... You always make me laugh. That is so important to me. You keep me current on sports, you always have something positive to say and I appreciate that so much. You have never made me feel unimportant and what woman would dislike that? You shouted me out for my birthday, which NO ONE ELSE did. You have always been such a great character to know and for that, I will always dig ya style.

Ms. Pennie... I have had a soft spot for you since I first ran across your blog. You have always made me feel like I was special. Like I had a calling. Like I had a place and I have always had such a connection with you from the beginning. I knew there was something about you that drew me to you and it is simply because you are a beautiful, caring, sensitive woman. And I respect all of that. Never let anyone take it from you. Keep praying Pennie. I appreciate your friendship and your utter honesty.

Mr. Mark... You have always made me want to be better than what I allowed myself to be. Never letting me doubt myself or fall prey to any belief in my failures. I have always been a fan, always will be. Thank you for being so kind from the beginning. It's truly been wonderful to know you.

Ms. Amanda... You too have always been so honest with me. You have never had a bad word to say about me, always been so nice. I have appreciated knowing you and getting to know you. You impressed me from the beginning. You are a wonderful mother, such a sweet person and you're so young! I admire you very much for what you have been thru and what you have gained. Keep being so strong so you can teach your daughter to be just like you.

Ms. Monica... Since day one, I have always identified with you. Something about you has always been a bright bulb in my head. I have wanted no more than to be an ear, support you in whatever paths you've decided to take and I never really knew why. Now I do, I see so much of myself in you and I want to make sure you don't stumble over the same blocks I did in life. Thank you for allowing me to come into your life and voice my opinion about your life. It's truly been special. You, too, have always been my little sister.

Ms. Ashley... Thank you for being brutally honest with me about my work, it's truly an honor to have someone tell you the gut-wrenching truth. Thank you for welcoming me into your life. You've always been so sweet and so real. Keep doing you girl. The world will fall at your feet.

Nomo... You truly are the king of this writing thing. Keep writing, I'll keep reading. I'll stay a fan until you stop.

Adrian, 'Nique, B'Poetic, aMnSWords, DeAdrell, Mahogany_Nymph, BeautifulCinnamon... Thank you all for allowing me to creep into your lives and watch from my distant corner in Dallas. Thank you all for being some of the realest and truest. Keep on being who you are and I will keep sneaking into your life from Dallas.

If I have missed anyone, it's not because you aren't special. It's simply because, these people have read my life and know me so much better than some of my closest friends and I wanted to thank them for WANTING to get to know me.  Thank you for welcoming me. Thank you for being who you are above all else. I love you all for that and I will always love them for that. They have become my small Xanga family. You have no idea what you missed. It's going on the protected list.

And now I'm all boo-hoo'n and cryin'... Look what ya'll have done to me. I'm soft MANE!