December 16, 2008

• The Challenge – What Makes Me Beautiful?

  Some magical way I stumbled across this Jess’ wonderful blog… and I’d like to think it was my destiny to find it. She started something. And this will not be a short one folks, so get comfortable. I AM BEAUTIFUL and everyday, I embrace the thought a little bit more. I haven’t always, but I have gotten comfortable with my beauty as I have grown up. I have been battling with this same monster hiding under my bed. The same monster I have pretty much pretended most of my life didn’t really exist in me (because no way was I like every other female in life, right)? The one monster I’m still afraid of to this day is that little bugger insecurity. In a world where being a size 2 is socially acceptable, imagine how it is to be a 14. Imagine how it was to be a size 16 at one time? Well… that was me. All 165 lbs of me (which is where I am currently, I will spare myself the torture of telling where I have been and never plan to go back (and I must add that I have that large boob curse, although I don’t really consider them a curse. I love my girls, truly. But you are looking at a girl who was a 36? in HS, you try to figure it out). So thank you for this challenge Jess. You will never know how your little blog has given me so much more belief in my own beauty. What makes you beautiful is the challenge.  What makes me beautiful?

  What makes me beautiful? I didn’t grow hair until I was 1. But for some reason I cant seem to find anymore pics from the younger years. Bothered but someone moved them and no one seems to know where they were moved to. I am beautiful because I had my ears pierced at the age of 6 months because I looked so much like a boy it was ridiculous, but not in my dresses, just in my onesies. Still adorable eh?

  

  But once the hair started growing, I’ll be damned if it didn’t seem to get arm-tiring thick. I grew older. Does anyone else remember the crayon pic? I do! Ta-da! I’m beautiful because I was a lady at such a young age!!

  

  (Cant find MS pics either. I am upset at the lost pics – Zoom to HS)

  

  In HS I hung out with a set crew. We sang at anything and everything and we were darn good. Unfortunately, the gold on the bottom left transferred junior yr and me and the gold on the right graduated a yr before the bottom right burnt orange did. Long story short… I still talk to the gold on the right. She’s my roadie. I literally went thru the total spectrum of colors because someone told me I couldn’t do it, so I had to. So HS concluded with Platinum Blonde and I was tempted to skip prom because my hair did not match my dress!!! But because my mom spent so much money on everything, I went. So I still rocked it, I would show pics with my date, but let’s just say… I’ve torn those up. Lol. And the pics I took are somewhere, in my senior book likely, which I can’t seem to find either. (Sidenote: I’ve never been a size 2. NEVER.)  I’m beautiful because I will try any color hair or any kind of hair style with total disregard to how others perceive it, I love experimenting! So to start college, I had to let my bleached hair grow out, might as well go afro’d out eh? Yeah let’s try that. And see how it goes I’m beautiful because I am a gifted, talented, smart girl. I was a national merit finalist in 2000. I went by “Dallas” in college because hell, I wasn’t trying to know ppl really. Boy was I wrong because about a month into the summer prior to school… hell EVERYBODY KNEW DALLAS and it wasn’t even intentional. I would meet ppl and they’d be like… “Oh, you Dallas!?! I been tryna run into you/lookin for you/what’s going on this weekend, I know you know!” I dunno, ppl thot I was cool, I can’t help it. I had a grand time in school and by the end of the year… hell people from FSU, FIU, and a few other colleges over Florida knew about Dallas. Dallas had one helluva time partying!!!

     

   

   

  What can I say? The Sigma’s were who got most of the buzz. Because they were really about something other than just screwing around, but they did ALOT of that too lol. (*The Alphas did have one helluva Guerilla Thrilla tho, but they were still too trifling. The Kappas appeared too Gay. The Omegas, hmmm, all just LOOKED dirty.*) They knew “Dallas” because “Dallas” could party with the best of them and “Dallas” always had a gang of girls they could pick and choose from. Lol. I was a pimp I guess, what can I say? They were like my brothers, it would’ve been gross. Except for those two and Clyde… hmm… Oh how I remember Clyde, but he wasn’t a Sigma, he just was a friend like me. There wasn’t a Sigma chant I didn’t know. I loved those guys and they loved me too. I’m beautiful because I know how to have a good time without having to sleep with every man I meet.(and they came to love me even more for not being the ‘easy girl’, knowing who to kick it with, and knowing who to completely dismiss.)

  It’s taken me a long time to believe in my personal beauty. I was rather shy for a while. Still am sometimes. But I know when I look good.

  But I am beautiful because I am the third of three girls and the other two have a better love for Prada and Gucci than I do!!!

  

  I have given my heart freely, had it trampled on and I still value me! I’m beautiful because my tongue is pierced and I will not give you head!

  

  I’m beautiful because I have my own mind, I think for myself. I’m beautiful because my eyes slant and I always look high.

  

  I’m beautiful because I am not a skinny woman. I am beautiful because I’m not the fattest woman. I’m beautiful because I like my size.

  

  I’m beautiful because I cry and I’m not afraid to tell someone when they hurt my feelings. I’m beautiful because I am trustworthy and dependable. I’m beautiful because I wear glasses.  I’m beautiful because I embrace my emotions as hard as they may be. I’m beautiful because I know how to be a friend and I truly value the friends I have made. I’m beautiful because I believe in something greater than me.

  

  I’m beautiful because I have a decent set of teeth, that I generally don’t ever smile to show. I’m beautiful because I have a dent in my forehead. I’m beautiful because I am a jeans and tshirt girl, sweatpants when its cold, baggy clothes. I’m beautiful WITH makeup, but I’m beautiful even without makeup.

   

  

  Edit: I’m beautiful because I am a dope ass poet, check the pieces if you doubt it. I’m beautiful because I am a magnificent writer. I’m beautiful because I have a squeaky voice – so I have been told, I didnt know that, but now that I do, I embrace that too.

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