November 5, 2008

• Toilet, Not, Two Words, Nothing

  # 4 – TOILET

  Tired of talking about love and how he broke me down, knocked me out, whored around/So I decided to talk about… being love’s toilet/yes i said toilet, so just listen – dont spoil it/ Love used me like a toilet and pissed all over me/left stains around the rim he never intended to clean/and the stench still lingers of the piss he deposited for free/love used me like a toilet and did the nastiest thing to me/he stood over me and regurgitated/words he couldn’t comprehend and over-complicated/disgusting remnants of verbs, nouns,and conjunctions he stated/love used me like a toilet and shit all over me/filled my soul with the foulest odor/emptying his emotional intake into me left me over/flowing full of pains constant floaters/and for the longest time love would come adn go as love pleased/giving me the time I needed to finally get the chance to breathe/since love cant seem to grasp the reason why the soap dispenser’s next to my sink of constantly running water/… this toilet’s finally out of order.

  From Stillpoetic: “So I decided to talk about… being love’s toilet/yes i said toilet, so just listen – dont spoil it” Unexpected very unexpected man oh man. WOW this is vile…. but dam good writing. I mean I can feel it. very descriptive. You held it down right here. Dam this is just plain wow. it was unexpected because o the flow of the poem, and I mant unexpected in a good way. I like its the surprise. sometmes poems can be predictable and the man oh man = No words I can say. I understand the different and I am like wow she is killin the game

  From Arrive__Arcane:  now this is exploration!!!! you’ve taken the pain and got mad creative with it. brill. this is your direction and topic of interest and look what you’ve done with it. you wrote with craft and skill, substance and flair. i like this new but old feel to you. isly, i can dig this

   

  # 5 – NOT

  i am mystified/every time you come around i get misty-eyed/playin that game of he loves me/he loves me not/got/repetitive like so many petals i dropped/not/ because i was looking for a dream, that perfect partner for this two-man team/not/because i was looking for an answer but what i thought i had really didn’t matter/but/because in my reverie you were a king/treated me like a queen/and gave all of yourself to me/but that was just a dream/not/reality.

  From Stillpoetic:  can i say one word????? DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!  :-O

  From Arrive__Arcane:  um um um…b-r-i-l-l

   

  # 6 – TWO WORDS

  it hurt
  to think
  that things
  wont be
  the same
  you came
  my way
  didn’t say
  one word
  i heard
  what i
  guess i
  chose to
  from you
  told me
  that we
  could be
  some thing
  extra ordinary
  so it
  was fit
  i trust
  this lust
  but us
  was just
  a fling
  a thing
  you seemed
  to think
  was fake
  a game
  got to
  see you
  for truth
  you lose.

  From Stillpoetic: different the two words thing is great. it is always fun to play witht he poetic style of writing. Girl keep on keeping on

  From Arrive__Arcane: YOU MUTHAFUCKIN GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS. DAMMIT I’M BOUT TO WRITE RIGHT RIGHT NOW.

  # 7- NOTHING

  when
  i close my eyes
  its like
  i
  can visualize
  us
  we weren’t much
  but
  we
  were enough
  and i know that now
  we shared
  this soul
  but we’ve grown
  distant
  the instant
  i lied
  we died
  you look at me
  you saw me
  and i was nothing.

  From Stillpoetic:I can feel this one, really really feel it. I can see it. It is to the point and very openly emotional.

  • 9:32 pm
  • 8 Comments